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Nikki Glaser Reveals Brutal Jokes She Reduce From 2025 Golden Globes Monologue, Together with One With Alec Baldwin & Deadly ‘Rust’ Capturing


Nikki Glaser hosted the 2025 Golden Globes and has been praised for her opening monologue that took a smooth method to her usually savage roast jokes.

Glaser seemingly restrained herself from going too arduous on the Hollywood celebrities within the ballroom on Sunday night time and left some jokes on the reducing room flooring.

The standup comic went on SiriusXM’s The Howard Stern Present on Monday, January 6, and skim jokes from the “Stern file,” or jokes that she reduce from the primary broadcast.

“The Golden Globes is the one present the place you’ll be able to see the most important stars and films and tv joined along with the identical aim — getting out of right here tonight earlier than Dax Shepard requested them to do his podcast,” Glaser learn. “That is the final time all of you’ll be in the identical room collectively till the Diddy trial.”

Glaser defined that this Diddy joke didn’t make the reduce as a result of the one which she mentioned on the reside present “led us to different jokes.” The comic additionally famous that she didn’t need to do the earlier joke “as a result of it’s such as you’re accusing the folks of that room of being concerned in that, they usually may activate you.”

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“Zendaya is right here. Zendaya, you have been unimaginable in Dune. Oh, my God, I awakened for your entire scenes. You have been so good. And Challengers, lady? It was so good. I imply, that film was extra sexually charged than Diddy’s bank card,” Glaser joked on Sunday’s Golden Globes present. “Oh, I’m upset too. The afterparty’s not going to be good this yr. However, now we have to maneuver on. A Stanley Tucci freak-off simply doesn’t have the identical ring to it. No child oil this yr, simply numerous olive oil.”

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Different jokes Glaser reduce included one mentioning Luigi Mangioni, the suspect charged with homicide within the lethal taking pictures​ of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson.

“Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought that by the tip of the yr, you’d solely be the second hottest hit man in America,” Glaser mentioned earlier than delivering the punchline, “And that one we didn’t do as a result of folks Luigi was a giant deal for some time, after which it sort of light and took some time for folks to get it.”

Glaser mentioned that Catholic Church “pedophile jokes” are performed out and that’s why she reduce the next one, the place she mentioned, “I really like Conclave, and I feel it’s in regards to the cardinals selecting a brand new pope. And I feel everybody ought to see it. It was so heartwarming. Truthfully, it’ll contact you a lot that the church should transfer it to a different theater. Conclave is rated PG, deliver the children. They’ll adore it. The Catholic Church will adore it. Sizzling tip, you don’t want ID to get into the Conclave afterparty.”

The comic additionally poked enjoyable at Solely Murders within the Constructing, joking, “Solely Murders within the Constructing is wonderful. And I feel it’s so cool that legends like Steve Martin, Martin Brief, Meryl Streep, we’re nonetheless at it, placing up a number of the finest performances of their careers, and it’s so inspiring. And it simply goes to point out you, you might be by no means too outdated to nonetheless want cash. Guys, please don’t combat Jake Paul, please don’t do it. Why are you continue to working so arduous? Did you get caught up in Hawk Tuah lady’s crypto scheme?”

Glaser is self-deprocating, as she did when she misplaced within the Golden Globes class she was nominated in. She had one other joke she reduce the place she mentioned, “Amy Adams is nominated for her efficiency in Night time Bitch, whereas I used to be completely snubbed for my efficiency in ‘Day Slut.’ The documentary class is hard, although, by the best way, Night time Bitch is what Diddy hears each night earlier than it lights out.”

Nicole Kidman would’ve been the joke’s punchline the place Glaser mentioned, “The Wild Robotic is nominated tonight. And by that, I imply Nicole Kidman after two white wines.”

One other joke Glaser reduce referenced cocaine saying, “Denzel Washington is right here. The one factor that has satisfied extra middle-aged males they might pull off an earring than Denzel Washington is cocaine. Kate Winslet is so much like cocaine. She’s white. She’s all the time with Leonard DiCaprio, and I can’t wait to search out her on the after celebration tonight.”

Though Glaser made a joke on the CBS present about Timothée Chalamet enjoying Bob Dylan, she had a unique joke earlier than.

“To sound like Bob Dylan, Timothée Chalamet took years of vocal classes as a result of, apparently, that’s how lengthy it takes to be taught to smoke 40,000 cigarettes,” she mentioned. “Timothée took classes in guitar, dialect motion and vocals to turn out to be Bob Dylan, whereas Bob Dylan grew to become Bob Dylan the old school approach – heroin and autism. Undiagnosed, however come on now, plenty of songs about trains.”

Glaser reduce a joke about Queer and Depraved, saying, “Daniel Craig is nominated for his efficiency in Queer, which is a film and never simply what my uncle Chuckie calls Depraved.”

A joke about Nicolas Cage, the place Glaser mentioned, “Nicolas Cage is right here tonight trying well-rested after an evening of sleeping in Elvis’s coffin. Nicolas Cage is right here, and so is the band of skeletons that follows him enjoying Ragtime jazz.”

Glaser held again on a joke about Alec Baldwin and the Rust incident that she mentioned was “too imply” the place the comic would’ve mentioned, “Michael Keaton was so nice in Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice and Alec Baldwin, sadly, didn’t come again to play a ghost as a result of he was too busy making them.”

Glaser’s opening monologue was gentle on politics, and he or she reduce one joke, saying, “The movie Anora is nominated for 4 awards tonight. It’s been known as essentially the most unflinching have a look at intercourse work since Matt Gaetz’s cost historical past.”

One other joke that was reduce from the monologue talked about Squid Sport and Joker.

Squid Video games is a present the place folks starve themselves whereas ruthlessly competing for the final word prize. Oh, wait, no, sorry that’s this present,” she mentioned. “I noticed Joker 2 and, , it jogged my memory of when the primary Joker got here out and I used to be within the theaters and I used to be afraid somebody was going to shoot it up. After which throughout Joker 2, I used to be actually hoping they’d.”

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